I have been working with fear lately. I fear failure at jobs. I fear the reactions. Sometimes they are horrid! I fear that if I said what is REALLY on my mind to him, I'd get back "I know..." a sad look and then "I just don't see that between us". Or of being seen as pushy. Am I obsessive, or do I have a right to say "this is upsetting to me that you are not rightly called my boyfriend - that you are the only one who does not call yourself this- as we have been seeing each other for a year now and at least 6 months as dating several times a week, taking our children out together to do stuff, etc.?" See- I only hinted around the fact that I see us as exclusive and he has made comments about me having sex with others. I can't tell if he's joking or not. he said I seemed to overreact to him saying I should trade sex for rent with a friend of my sister... all I could manage out was "I don't like to talk about having sex with other people". *sigh*

If I do not say what is on my mind, it will keep coming back to get me as it has. This "taking it slowly" is all fine with me, but I don't know what is joking about "others' and what is not. I don't feel like emotionally I want to see others- and definitely not sexually.

Thanks for letting me vent. Kinda OT. But I'm so balled up with what is what lately since discovering being bioplar and what it means.