Alan and I were married for a few months when I asked him "how come you don't cook?" He said "of course I cook". I said "I've never seen you pick up a pan since we've been married!!!"

He replies; "Well, I know how to make scrambed eggs".

I said 'make them right now"

He said "no problem".

He takes two eggs, puts them in a bowl, and takes the egg beater and scrambles them up.

I give him a pan.

He says "I don't know how to turn on the stove, turn it on for me".

(NOW LADIES AND GENTS, YOU DO KNOW THAT WHEN WE COOK, WE HAVE TO CONSTANTLY LOWER AND RAISE THE HEAT WHEN COOKING EGGS, RIGHT???).

Well Alan puts the frying pan over the burner, (it's on high by the way).

He looks at me and sheepishly says "I don't know how to operate a stove, so here is how I make the scrambled eggs".

And there is my Alan, in my kitchen, standing in front of my stove, holding a frying pan filled with raw scrambled eggs

HOW IS HE COOKING THE EGGS???

By raising and lowering the pan as he scrambles them in the pan. He would bring the frying pan and put it on top of the burner, then he would raise it slightly, so the eggs wouldn't burn, then he would raise it more, Now the pan is up in the air!!

And that's how he cooked the eggs. By raising and lowering the frying pan (up in the air, and down again).

After I picked up my jaw from the floor, I laughed my head off.

Now you might be asking. "how come Alan never learned to cook??"

Well, he was married for 3 months when he was 24 years old. He was in the army. He came back to find everything wiped out of the bank account, the door locks changed and he had to go and move back in with his father.

His father did not cook. His mom had died, so THERE WAS NO ONE TO COOK FOR THEM. So they ate out at every meal.

When Alan got his own apartment, he decided o become a cook. He went out and bought pans, pots, utensils, and hamburger meat. He decided to cook himself a hamburger. He was 25 years old.

So he figures out how to turn on the stove. He takes the hamburger patty, puts it on the frying pan, and because he didn't know how to raise and lower the temperature on the stove, he did his UP IN THE AIR THING.

Took him 30 minutes. After eating the hamburger, he realized that he had a sinkful of dirty dishes, pots and pans and utensils.

What did he do? He told me he said out loud: "This is not for me".

He threw everything in the garbage and from that moment on, he ate every meal out.

He found me (an italian cook ...BOY DID HE HIT THE JACKPOT OR WHAT??)when he was 32.

The rest is history.

But he does help me mix up stuff in the kitchen. He puts the tea kettle on to make his tea. He uses a match to light the burner.

And he knows how to use a microwave.

But if this guy was not married, he'd be eating out every meal. He'd also weigh over 300 lbs. lol