I hear and totally feel your pain and frustration.
I went through the same anger when my symptoms returned 2 fold after my surgery.

I'm not sure what to suggest...except to slow down with the upper body and focus on YOU.
I can only go by what has helped me.
Physically its important to calm the nerves down, watch and work on posture modalities.

Your traps are in pain due to the laxicity of the muscles attached to the scalene. In my adventures with my miracle PT doc, Dr. collins and anatomy books the scalenes are attached to everything that has caused the TOS. The pecs, the BP, all the sensory and motor nerves, the subscapularus muscle. You name its ALL attached. Its about calming the nervous system down and finding a balance.

Are you seeing Dr. Togut? I understand he's a marvelous understanding doc of TOS.

As for the emotional side, its difficult to say the least
Can I suggest what helps me?
quiet, calming, guided imagery, hypnosis and tapes, laying on the floor to take the gravity off; it opens up the thoracic area to relieve the pain and allow the circulation flow. "We" have a complete life style change and it takes our brain to catch up to what we can actually do.

Just know, you are NOT alone in this god awful condition we didn't ask for.
We are here for you.
Cyndy