Quote:
Originally Posted by MsMesS
During the times that I have felt strong against these memories I have always said that "I am who I am inspite of or because of what I went through as a child." When I have not been strong I have literally felt myself going to this dark place in my mind that is very difficult to come out of. I don't want to go to that dark place by talking too much about it in therapy so I am now "panicking" about my next session which is next week. Yikes!!  |
I could have written some of your post.
The "dark" has been so dark I really didn't know if I would leave it. There is a song and a few of the lyrics "my soul is evaporating" that's exactly what I felt but almost to the point of not having a soul, of being just a shell.
I have also felt as you have - I'm proud of my life and who I am inspite of my childhood.
I had always felt I had moved on from the past until an encounter with a doctor. By his actions in a 45 min appoinment I ended up with PTSD. Because of his actions he opened the gates to hell for me so not only was I dealing with the present but I had the past "flooding" in. I could not stop what was happening.
Like you, I had no choice but to confront the past and it truly sucks big goose eggs.
I don't envy you - therapy is not fun.
I'm sorry your BF brought this up for you. I lived with alcoholics most of my childhood and I swore I would not put myself or my children in that kind of situation.
I also have issues with guns - a suppressed memory where I only had bits and pieces but when I went searching I found the reason I am afraid of guns.
PM me if you want to talk
