Was asked whether i self harmed.Question arose from my saying
how i'd thought about taking all my pills amongst other irrational thoughts when i flooded the bathroom.
I'd felt wary about saying much because the rest of the group were quite upbeat and thought 'oh s**t and now i'm going to be a party pooper'

Found it hard to answer in the affirmative or negative.When i think of 'self harming' i tend to think of cutting
which i last did back in the first few years after first being admitted(still have the scars -30 odd years later) and i feel like things like banging my head against the wall(quite literally)to release tension from time to time and digging things into myself/biting myself/don't really count.

To me it's like insulting and trivialising people who have genuine and major problems in this area.


It's kind of like being asked whether you suffer from depression and have problems and you think to yourself 'my biggest problem is that i am
a dysfunctional, whingeing, attention seeking,no good, insecure bastard.look at all the people out there with real problems'

Also mentioned i was having problems remembering to take my medication.It never ceases to amaze me how i can remember something like
people i met in hospital for a few weeks 30 odd years ago or
which group sang the original version of a song
and yet remembering to take meds or do everyday things can so easily slip my mind.

My mind is a contrary creature. Some days i have no problems thinking and yet other days i'm overloaded with empty thoughts going nowhere.