We did exchange some emails after I posted that. And I realize I am a person first, but this whole bipolar is kind of GOOD because it answers so many why's and hows of seemingly unrelated parts of me that I felt were very upsetting and couldn't even describe them (the horror movie thing for one). Not only that but I am an adult child of an alcoholic and THAT I know I do not define myself from but still I have not done any "work" toward it because to read what its about its like" yeah that's all me" but support groups for it absolutely SUCK and all I keep thinking is "man you're messed up- but I'm not". I refuse to be. But with bipolar, I don't feel "messed up" as I do just relieved that all these symptoms are ONE thing! That its my brain that is doing funny things, not ME! That the parts of me that are in it are still parts of me NOT this disease.

Gosh I'm getting tired now. I took the trazadone about an hour ago and its finally kicking in I think. They said to take it a couple hours before bedtime.

But before I go, the reason I wrote him that email after I posted here is because I could not deal with the emotions anymore in me where he'd hinted at me having other partners when I thought we were exclusive. So I set him straight on that.

Ok.... getting really zonked. Thanks for your responses!! I went to church choir practice tonight, btw. and hadn't been there at all since beginning of September and after rehearsal told the director about being bipolar and she was so understanding!! I didn't think she would be. We had a nice little chat and come to find out one of the other choir members from a few years ago was too- I had wondered about it, but just remember that he ran off and no one knew where to find him - we are in Michigan and he was last heard of in Seattle!!