RED SKELTON'S RECIPE FOR THE PERFECT MARRIAGE


1. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, have a
little beverage, good food and companionship.
She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.

2. We also sleep in separate beds.
Hers is in California and mine is in Texas.

3. I take my wife everywhere . . .,
but she keeps finding her way back.

4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary.
'Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!' she said.
So I suggested the kitchen.

5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric
breadmaker. She said 'There are too many gadgets and no
place to sit down!' So I bought her an electric chair.

7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well because
there was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was;
she told me 'In the lake.'

8. She got a mud pack and looked great for two days.
Then the mud fell off.

9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling 'Am I too late
for the garbage?' The driver said 'No, jump in!'

10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.

11. I married Miss Right.
I just didn't know her first name was Always.

12. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months.
I don't like to interrupt her.

13. The last fight was my fault though.
My wife asked 'What's on the TV?'
I said 'Dust!'

Can't you just hear him say all of these? I love it...this is from the good old days when humor didn't have to start with a four letter word . . . just clean and simple fun!