Kelly
I just wanted to let you know that I am so sorry that you are going through this.
I agree that finding someone you can speak with who understands will go a long way to helping you sort out what you are feeling, and also give you suggestions on how to communicate all this to those who are not understanding. Kimmydawn and the folks at PsychCentral are a very good place to start
Also, one thing I learned is that trying to please other people can sometimes put unbearable pressure on ourselves....it is good to be considerate, but we cant live out lives according to other people's expectations....we can only do what we can do, and try to do it as well as we can.

I hope you managed to get some rest last night Kelly and that today will bring something very postitive and helpful into your life