Kelly,

When reading what you wrote, all I can think is "been there. done that". It sucks feeling like you have to act a certain way with one group and then another way when you are able to be yourself.

You have to express how you feel. If you do not, the pressure inside of you will build until you burst. That is not a good thing.

My therapist sounds a lot like Laura. When I wasi n therapy, she would not accept any crap from me. However, she did allow me to journal and give her the journal every week. I wrote to her exactly how I felt about her, my life, and everything going on that week and then gave it to her when we had our sessions. It really helped me out A LOT. In our sessions, she used my journal entries to help me to find healthy coping mechanisms with my feelings.

I will be honest with you, I still have days were I think that it would be so much easier to do something to harm myself rather than deal with what is going on. However, the difference between then and now is that I have ways to deal with being depressed and those urges that are healthy.

Also Kelly, depression does have physical manifestations. You can feel very very sick when you are depressed.