Just gotta take it one day at a time, Pono. That's all I know to do.
Some days I'm pretty much OK - seem to be at peace with all my losses and then along comes a day when it's like I've just gotten the bad news. . .and it just hits me all over again.
I know it'll pass so I just dig my heels in and wait it out. Some days I just "think" too much. Ponder the "what could've beens" and the "why's".
I'll never be able to fill the voids left by my losses - but what I can do is adapt as best I can to the changes and hang onto my memories of those I've lost.
I wish you peace.....