There's an interesting discussion in the Talmud, an ancient Jewish writing. Those Jews had the custom of rending their garments - literally tearing their clothes - to symbolize the ripping apart that death brings. But the question was raised, after the period of mourning, could you sew the garment up and use it again? The teachers answered yes, but when you mended it, you should not tuck the edges under so it would look as if it had never been torn.

This symbolized the fact that life after grief is not the same as before. The rend will show. The next question was can you sell the garment? The teachers answered no. The rending and mending of our ife is ours and others cannot wear it.

No, we don't get over it. We change and grow. Our life has a difference which is ours alone. We can't "get over it" because that would mean that we were not changed by the experience.

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Dennis Klass,PhD. Webster University, St.Louis, MO