Flygirlie!
Get the paper and whack him with it.

Whack her too while you're at it!
I am sorry to hear that you had to come out of the closet. Did you come all the way out or just stick out your neck?
Having to deal with a parent's illness is ALWAYS a stressful thing, from beginning to end, and you don't need this carp on top of what you are dealing with.
I'm holding you in my prayers, along with Mom. Please try not to stress out too much ( I know that will be hard!) and do the job you planned to do while you are there.
I'm here if you need to talk, yell, blow off steam, etc. I am off until Sun. night, so call if you want!