Thank You to everyone who has offered encouragment and support during this rough time. Fortunately i have gotten my eyes
to march to the beat of MY DRUMMER!
MEANING I had a little attitude talk with that roving and ever creative left eye of mine and I think we came to an understanding. ...
the understanding being that if it wants to ROVE and dance to its OWN DRUMMER
then it must provide ample warning first so that the rest of me can get in sync with it's drummer!
But I doubt that It will "listen"! I mean really, it acts like it don't have any ears or something dumb "deaf eye"!!!!
Anywho, i went to the neuro today and i think we are all on the same page now and it helped that i had the last "flare up" documented. They are doing both MRI's (brain and C-spine) and they are sending me to virtually every specialist that walks the planet it seems like. but that is a good thing and hopefully some where in all of this i will get my answers
that i long for so much!
i tis kinda an overwhelming feeling to be THIS CLOSE
TO AN ANSWER i mean i have lived eight long years being told I'm just crazy or just not saying anything about it at all b/c i was afraid to. Now I am within as little as a month of a difiniative answer and I kinda don't really know what to think or do or say. It is the weridest feeling. I mean i thought when i got to this point i'd be estatic
but instead i feel more like
(bawling) b/c the feeling of having legitimacy is overwhelming.
Anyone out there have any suggestions
for dealing with this, gotta admit this is new for me. I'm so used to being told I'm crazy when I know I'm not that it is going to be weird to have people actually take me seriously for once in my life.
I mean i know i'm supposed to be GLAD and all and I am in some ways but it is terrifying to think of the possiblity of a real cause for all of this and that denial of others won't exist to the extent that it did before. I thought at one point that I was over the denial phase of dealing with this nameless thing. but i realize now that I am almost face to face with it, that I'm far from being out of deinal. In fact denial is a much more conformable place to be!
I could use some cyber
s right now b/c this is hard for me. And really scary too!