i went to the neuro today and i think we are all on the same page now and it helped that i had the last "flare up" documented. They are doing both MRI's (brain and C-spine) and they are sending me to virtually every specialist that walks the planet it seems like. but that is a good thing and hopefully some where in all of this i will get my answers that i long for so much!

i tis kinda an overwhelming feeling to be THIS CLOSE TO AN ANSWER i mean i have lived eight long years being told I'm just crazy or just not saying anything about it at all b/c i was afraid to.


Now I am within as little as a month of a difiniative answer and I kinda don't really know what to think or do or say. It is the weridest feeling. I mean i thought when i got to this point i'd be estatic but instead i feel more like (bawling) b/c the feeling of having legitimacy is overwhelming.

Anyone out there have any suggestions for dealing with this (the forcible comming out of limbo land and finishing the "denial Mile" and comming into the Acceptance Alley???

I gotta admit this is new for me. I'm so used to being told I'm crazy when I know I'm not that it is going to be weird to have people actually take me seriously for once in my life.

I mean i know i'm supposed to be GLAD and all and I am in some ways but it is terrifying to think of the possiblity of a real cause for all of this and that denial of others won't exist to the extent that it did before. I thought at one point that I was over the denial phase of dealing with this nameless thing. but i realize now that I am almost face to face with it, that I'm far from being out of deinal. In fact denial is a much more conformable place to be!

I could use some cyber s right now b/c this is hard for me. And really scary too!

I don't know yet IF it is MS but I do know that I am very close to discovering the root cause of all of the problems (or at least most of them) and I'm scared.

How do you deal with this? Feedback would be greatly appreciated!