You are right Alffe, I would have prolonged the inevitable. I know God is totally against divorce. Both of us came from families with no divorce. I believe God made the last two years happen to strenghten me for what was to come. That is why he died 2 days before the judgement of divorce was to be finalized, cause God didn't want it to happen. Now I am torn from being a widow to that of a divorcee. I can't make up my mind on what group counseling I should be in. If I go to a divorce group, my crying will be from his death and if I go to a survivors of suicide group, no one would understand my anger. I can't afford counseling, cause I have no insurance. Can't get state assistance because I get social security.

I am so glad I can come here to talk. I really need to talk, I have so much built up inside. Even if I only get out tidbits, it still makes me feel so much better.

Thank you everyone for your kind words.