oh shoot!!!!!!! I wrote out this really long response and I accidentally deleted it. I hate it when I do that! So these will be short comments.

Beauty I hear you on the "why do *I* have to get this disease?" I joke that this is the worst thing for me given my difficulties with uncertainty in life, which has been a major theme for years. I've managed to weather the storm of my father's schizophrenia, his suicide when I was 17, abuse when I was a kid and all sorts of other traumatic stuff. But sometimes this just seems a little too much on top of everything else...just sitting around waiting for the other shoe to drop. Maybe this is the lesson I need to learn in life-- to try to live day by day--just be in the moment. To let go of the need to control. Vic had good advice last night: "MS has to be like accepting the fact that gravity exists. It just IS." I also like what Cindy has to say "ALL OF LIFE is a crapshoot, ours just has a name!" The key is for each of us personally to figure out what our own strategy is for learning to be comfortable with the crapshoot.

Like Keri, though, I'm not one for faith either. But I do feel strongly about the notion of "mindfulness." My goal is to learn how to sit with the uncertainty and fear of of the MS, watching it but not feeding it. By just being with the feelings or accepting that they just ARE I can release myself of the anxieties. It's a day to day process.