AWWW, ((((((BJ)))))),



I know how hard that is -- to want to talk about something and other 'stuff' seems to get in the way.

The best doctor for me was the one that I was with for about 5 years. While I was seeing him, I wrote in my journal. He had told me to "hold the bad stuff until we could talk". The only way that I could do that without losing my mind was to write it down so I didn't have to remember it. I wrote everything down -- good stuff, bad stuff. Just before each appointment, I would sit down someplace quiet and read what I had written the previous week -- that helped to focus my thoughts and helped me talk in therapy about what was currently going on.

He also agreed to read several of the books in exchange for therapy hours -- so he had a good idea of where my head was at. I had to TRUST him implicitly in order to give him my books to read.

BJ, what I discovered through all my years of therapy -- some good doctors, some bad doctors and my five-year doctor (the best) was that I usually got extremely upset when I was getting "near" something that really bothered me. It can be a trick (AKA, a "safety mechanism") that your mind tries to play in order to keep you safe -->> sidetracking the conversation.

I know how upset you feel (I've been there), but, you might want to try to take a couple of steps closer to the scarier stuff when you're with her. She's there to help you and it'll be easier and safer for you to take those steps toward the scarier stuff when you're with her.

If you want more control over the conversation -- I agree with Bizi that YOU should be the one controlling the conversation, you might want to say to tdoc, "OK, I agree to talk for 10 minutes about X and that's as much time as I want to spend on X today."

BIG HUGS.

Barb