I felt you lurking here nohope... It's hard to see the future when blinded by our tears. And it's especially hard to find any "me time" when you have young children in need of your time and attention.

Our three daughters were in college when their big brother killed himself so I had all the time in the world for me.....spent it in bed, crawling on my hands and knees to the bathroom. When I remember things like that I know that I have survived and am able to move forward with a life.

My neighbor is exactly where she should be in this nightmare...she repeats herself over and over to me...she doesn't remember things I have said to her so everything I say is "new" but that's normal...she can't concentrate, she can't retain anything. I will listen to her for as long as she needs me. And she is talking to a grief therapist which should really help.

I wonder if your Mom could come visit for awhile...please consider asking her to travel the 300 miles because you need her. I wish we lived closer dear girl.
You are in need of some hands on support.