Mrs. D.

You must be going out of your mind with the noise. I know me. I'd go out and shoot someone.

I need to live in "PEACEFUL ACRES".

If you get my drift.

And I was a disco banging momma in the 1970's.

and now I need quiet and peace.

How boring is that??

I'm just happy to get up without my feet burning. That's a good day.

I have lots of them because of the B-12 I guess.

Oh, because I started the 1 mg (down from the one and a half), of the xanax that I told you about last week. Well, I didn't want to go BACK TO ONE AND A HALF. So I just stayed at the 1 mg at night before retiring.

boy, were you right about the body doing the spasm thing.

I was full of spasms for 5 days or so, and presently they are easing up. I had no idea. I looked up xanax withdrawal and it said "some people have no problem, some people have physical symptoms". It also said exactly what you said "do it slowly".

So I'm not jumping down the dose for at least 6 months. Then I'll go down by a quarter. I'll have seen my doctor by then. Don't see him too much because I go to Cornell. I don't much like going to doctors (I like Dr Fred, he's the bomb), but I don't like doctor visits.

Every muscle in my body is sore. And my joints. It's like I ache all over. It subsided a great deal since I first began. I should have gone down by a quarter. But now that it's 8 days or so, I'm staying at the 1 mg.

I had maybe 2 headaches since this all began. How do you differentiate between arthritis pain (from the weather), and xanax withdrawal?)

I mean, I ache, and then for a while (like when I was watching Don't Forget the Lyrices with Alan last night), I forgot everything and we were both up and singing along.

Then around 10:30 p.m. (it's always right before I am to take my xanax), my belly starts shaking, I don't feel good, I look up at the clock and I go. "Oh, time for the pill". I'm perfectly fine 15 minutes later.

Also, it said in the withdrawal symptoms that when you stop taking it, the reason you took it in the first place, well, it may come back.

This happened last night. I could not sleep. I was thinking about my son, about Alan. I knew this was part of the process, so I got up, made a cup of tea at midnight, watched some tv. And in 10 minutes or so, went back to sleep. Got up at 7:30 a.m. because the people were talking in the backyard right underneath my window. Alan can sleep through ANYTHING.

Don't know what will happen tonight.

I DO KNOW what happens after all this is over. My brain starts to make new pathways and it mentioned neurotransmitters, and my brain will heal and my memory will get better (that alone, is worth this). I've been sedating myself at night and I never fully realized what I was doing.

The article also said that most of the people on xanax also drink. Thank god, I do not do this.

So I shall take one day at a time, and hopefully, as the days (or weeks) pass by, the achiness will stop.

I read where it can take 3 weeks to 6 months for the withdrawal.

I never took it during the day. But I never should have used it as a sleeping aid. I realize this now.

I do learn.

So I'm off to Dunkin (with my new hairdo).

Their coffee is calling to me.

Take care.

Melody