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BJ · 04-18-2008, 08:29 PM

I feel like my therapist was pushing me. For the most part we go very slowly but if I get scared or freak out then I always feel permitted to step back from that place or try to figure it out from a different angle. And often she will acknowledge that she feels she is pushing me and we can check in about it. Sometimes I think I should try to push more but I can't go any faster right now.

I felt like she was threatening me although it may not be what she meant at all. Often I have to check out what I heard versus what she actually said. It just sounded like she was saying it's her way or nothing and that made me angry.

I's not about being right or wrong either, it's about my perceptions. Bottling up strong feelings, pretending everything is ok, hoping the feelings will go away without talking about them is more likely to damage the therapist relationship then talking. But she pushed me there and I felt like I was cornered.

I was so proud of what I wrote to my boss and she didn’t even read it, wanted no parts of it. She was focused on why I was wearing long sleeves when it was 80 degrees out and some other things that I don’t feel comfortable about talking about.

Mari there is really no down time for me. We started working long hours the third week in January and now at least I only have to work 8 hours a day. My billing rate is high and I work on mostly corporate, inheritance and estate tax returns. So there’s really no let up. I just need a break, a time out. I'm just so utterly exhausted right now and feel used. There's lots more inside but I can't get it all out.