((((((BJ)))))),

You're writing conveys a lot of feeling and emotion. Use it as a tool to help you when you're really stuck or when you're afraid of what's coming next.

We always figure we know what's going on in someone else's head. That was actually a huge strength of mine when I was working, I could look at a lot of different points of view and see the big picture. Unfortunately, I had to learn that even though I'm good at a lot of things, I cannot mind-read.

The reality is never as bad as what we create in our heads. Use the tools that are available to you -- your writing and your ability to communicate -- to verify what you think is going on.

It sounds you have a lot of trust for your doctor. (I know how hard that is to find.)

Try to take baby-steps and put all the various things that are available to you now to help YOU: your words, your ability to state what you want and need, a good therapist <<-- put 'em all together and you just might get the same kind of miracles I was able to get.

That's what I wish for you -->> you own miracles

BIG HUGS.

Barb