Jo,

My dog loved being on the couch or the bed... but I didn't want her there if she was dirty or if we had company over, etc... But she much prefered the couch and our bed to her big bed pillow on the floor.

So I trained her to ask for permission first before jumping up on the furniture. She would stand at the couch or bed and look at me and wag her tail like crazy.... I would then tell her "Ok, up" if she was allowed on the couch, or I would say "go lay down" if I wanted her to stay on the floor on her own bed.

It's worked great! and it only took about a week to train her to ask for permission first.... the best part is that we set up a webcam tos ee what she did while we we not home - and she did not jump on the furniture when we were out.

Maybe that would work for your family and your dog - so that you could keep her off the furniture when she is dirty and your husband could still be the "softie" by allowing her on the furniture with permission.