OK, this goes deep. What is the meaning of life?

Is it to be able to work?

Or is it to be able to be alive and still make a difference?

Losing my job was the hardest thing I have ever been through. It has taken me years (at least a good 4) to get to a place of equilibrium. One of the words of advice that were most important to me came from a neuropsychologist who specializes in PD. He told me at some point in the journey that I probably could still work full time - but it would take all of my effort; I would have nothing left over for family, or myself, or my friends, or my home. He asked, "Is that really any way to live? What is the purpose of your life?"

That sealed it for me. My way of life has changed due to the extreme financial constraints under which I now live. But I enjoy life. I am involved in my daughter's life - she will soon be away at college. I am involved in PD advocacy. I have time to read and learn. I can visit with friends. I can walk and play with my dog.

The trade off was huge - but worth it. I lost my job but gained peace of mind.

8 years out with PD, I am not any where near the need for DBS. But I have pondered the future, and wondered about just those things that trouble you now. What if a cure came? What if I could work again? What would it be like to enter the job market after years off on disability? Would it make my life more meaningful to be healthy again? What makes for a meaningful life?

Choosing a DBS is a big decision. The many friends I have who have had a successful DBS have not done it in order to keep working or to re-enter the job market. They've done it because it was the best way at the time to claim a better quality of life - the meds had maxed out.

I understand why you waver.