I just wish I knew why people who get pushed over the edge, can take that final step. Last summer I know I was psychotic, delusional or a whole combination of things getting on top of me. I was thinking yes take those pills, then no don't take those pills. But everyone here kept talking to me and I also kept thinking of how my mom would feel if I did do it. Forgetting religious beliefs, she would have been absolutely devastated. Not like K's mom who seems like she could care less. I know she drank a lot working at a bar and I know she did drugs. I tried so hard to take her away from that life and get her involved in other things like going to Barnes and Noble and reading or just chatting and drinking coffee. But she didn't want to, booze and drugs were her comfort zone. It took away her pain. I wish I could have done more for her, I wish I had remembered to call. I'm not sure if it would have done any good but I can't get it out of my mind that she felt like I abandoned her too.