After yesterdays grueling day (life care planner marathon meeting), I had trouble sleeping last night.

I woke at 4:30 am yelling at people in my head. Who is going back to sleep after that?

I made some notes for the life care planners.

I had a long argument with my spiritual self. I was really, really angry with Torkelson all over again. Katz (remember the Neuro dude that doesn't believe the Judge's opinion?) is slightly tolerable and I don't have any choices in KC.

Spiritually speaking, I know that I must find a way to move past my anger towards Torkelson. It is really hard to do when we keep getting reminded of it.

Yesterday, was just a big angry reminder. The Gov Lawyer told me we would never get an apology nor recognition from Tork that he did anything incorrect. He will go to his grave satisfied he did nothing wrong.

I also know that the very best way to move through and past anger is prayer for the person with whom you hold anger. That means praying that God give them the very best there is to give in life. I know this works. I did it with my Pedofile Bio-Dad. I also found out that forgiveness doesn't mean permission nor approval. It just means it gets put to rest and you move on with life.

Gee wiz, if I can do this with my Bio-Dad over what he did and it works, I can do it with Torkelson and it will work. I was just feeling very rebellious and didn't want to pray for the man. I didn't want to ask God to grant him good things or a nice life or any of the things I want in my life. I wanted to pray God rain fire on his head and family.

Hence, my argument with spiritual self at 4:30 in the morning.

At 6:30, I went upstairs to talk to Kevin. I told Kevin all of the above. I told him I KNOW what I need to do but I REALLY, REALLY DON'T want to do it.

We got in the shower and I just let it all go. I had a full bore, all out, sobfest. I just let all the anger come out in tears, rain, and shower. It was very cleansing.

When I was done, I said, "Maybe I could pray that God open his heart. If it worked with the Judge, it should work for Torkelson."

What did my wonderful husband say?

"That usually requires a scalpel."

I had a good hard belly laugh.