I don't mean to show any disrespect towards K's mom. She just said some things that were confusing and hurt me. But I know she's handling things in her own way. And I also know she must be hurting terribly inside. I saw my mom live with Mark's suicide day in and day out and she was never herself anymore. When I got older we talked and talked about it and she kept telling herself she should have known, we should have known. So I know that K's mom will eventually go down that road.

I don't want to go today Bizi but I feel I have to. I want her to know that I'm sorry for not being there for her. I want her to know that I cared.

I'm going to church now and they're going to saying K's name in the prayer intentions. And then Father agreed to sit down with me before I go and help me sort some things out.

And Alffe, no you're my hero