She's at peace. I never saw her really have a smile on her face like she did today. She looked really pretty and they hid all the scars and marks on her arms so you couldn't see them. I was totally out of my comfort zone. I didn't know anyone and just hid in the corner. People were crying hysterically but her mom just sat there staring at the coffin. It brought back such horrible memories of seeing my parents and Mark in their coffins but I couldn't pry myself away from there. I knew that after I left, they'd close the coffin and I'd never see her again.

I talked to a priest before I went, not the one that told me I'd never see Benton again but another one. I asked if she'd go to heaven and would God understand. He said "Thou shalt not kill and to take your own life is murder and forgiveness is really up to the Lord. Sometimes people go through many great ordeals that can't really be explained. They feel more than a loss of hope but, as well as a loss of life from within. So can there be forgiveness? I think that is a question that is really up to the Lord and that individual. The Lord loves all his children equally." So I think she's in heaven now with the angels and she's not in pain anymore.

I was proud of myself for holding it together. I just have to get through the funeral tomorrow. I feel like that little devil guy right now spinning round and round and round. How ironic, I'm a strawberry shortcake and I forgot my friend was in trouble.