I just wish I could cry. I'm sitting here ready to burst and it won't come out. When my mom died do you know I didn't cry until the end of the funeral? I didn't cry at the hospital, at the viewing or through most of the funeral. Not until the priest asked me to throw dirt on the coffin did I lose it. People must have thought I was terrible but I couldn't get it out. My pdoc thinks losing my mom is what sent me on this bipolar roller coaster. But when my brother Mark committed suicide I cried for days on end, I let it out. But as I got older I tended to stifle my feelings because there's no one to listen anyway.

Nohope I can't tell you enough how sorry I am for what happened to your husband. And for Alffe losing her son or anyone else here that has lost a loved one to suicide. I'm so sorry for stirring up bad memories but I didn't know where else to go, I had no where to turn. I typed it all in then never pushed post because...........because. I can't even think straight now.