Her dad asked me to say something at the funeral since I was the last one she called and I told him I couldn't, my mind wouldn't slow down so I asked if I could read instead. I got some thoughts and ideas and just scribbled them and wrote this for her because she didn't have the time to say goodbye.

Goodbye to all the people I have met
Although I am gone do not cry
It is I who fear that you will not cry for me
Do not fear having me to hold, to talk to, to hug
Do not fear saying goodbye
My mother how I wish I could have said I loved you one more time
To everyone else I loved, I wish I had hugged you one last time
I will miss the good times and will cherish every moment I had with you
And I hope you will think of those good memories as you visit my grave
I see the light and it calls to me so I must go
I hope to always be with you in your hearts
I love you all but I must go, I must go

It was pouring down rain, thundering and lightening, just like K's life was full of turmoil. I went in before they closed the coffin for good. I swore I would never touch a dead person again after my dad died. I was holding his hand when he died and I actually felt the coldness go all the way down to his hand. I screamed to my mom that he's gone. I never even touched my mom and to this day I regret it. But I felt I had to so I touched K's hand, told her that she's not in pain anymore, all is good, you can rest now friend.

Yes Alffe this has stirred up a lot of things and brought them all to the surface again. I told my tdoc today to help me cry, I need to cry but I can't. Trigger myself into tears through the grief door she said. But why, crying won't bring anyone back.