In the light of day I had hoped to have a clearer way of saying this Nikki but a fact is a fact is a fact. When someone we love choses to end their life we feel totally rejected. It's like the ultimate F*** You!

The only thing we can say in their "defense" is that they didn't know what it would do to us...that we would be forever changed. It has been 18 years last Jan. since our Michael killed himself and we have "gone on".....we used to be just regular people with hopes and dreams...plans that included Michael but instead we became "survivors". And that's a "good thing" because we learned the hard way what this act does to a family and while we might want to put an end to this anguish, we won't.

But we didn't choose this role and we wouldn't wish it on anyone. Michael loved us.....just as your Dad loved you. They didn't plan on breaking our hearts but they did and we are stuck with it.

Michael robbed his sisters of knowing their children. He robbed his own son of watching him grow...of seeing his own grandchild. Michael was my first born, my only son, his Dad's namesake and he broke our hearts.

I could fill pages with my anger but I won't.

Hugs for the room.....and especially for you Nikki.