I didn't go to work today and took off the rest of the week because I can't think straight and I have all these emotions and images flooding around me. I called my pdoc this morning and told her I couldn't cry and wanted to cry, wanted to scream but I can't. She said she talked to my tdoc and knew all about it. She said to try watching a sad movie. So I watched Homeward Bound. I know it's silly but I cry at the same spot every time, when Chance comes up over the hill limping. But it did nothing, not even a weep.

I went to Barnes and Noble and sat in my comfy chair and had coffee and thought things out. I decided to go to K's grave and then drove to my family's grave site. I talked to all of them, asking what went wrong. No answer, no tears. My tdoc's wrong. I'm not resisting, I'm not shutting the door on her, I'm hurting inside and she can't help me. I never read that book Alffe but I just ordered it on Amazon. Maybe this will help me.