I am so sorry to hear you didn't get the sleep your tired body deserves again last night. My sisters and I all react adversely in different ways to medications, so we know it has to be our genetics. It amazes me how different we all react to meds.
I began ativan almost six years ago, my grandson had just been diagnosed with the "bad" leukemia, we were all out on the coast while Joey began his treatment at Seattle's Childrens. I had always been the family rock, I could handle any and everything, it took me two weeks of no sleep and vomiting and losing 12 lbs. to realize my rock had crumbled and I needed help. Joey and I both lost 12 lbs in two weeks, I only weighed 110 at the time. My daughter called my obgyn back in Montana, he called in ativan and insisted I take it round the clock. I did in the beginning and later only at bedtime, seems to be a female thing to crawl into bed and begin to analize and solve the "world problems", ativan took that away, I began to sleep soundly. Eventually I quit taking it, then I spent a wildly painful night in February four years ago, nothing touched the pain. I had my husband take me to the ER because I thought I was having a heart attack, turns out no heart attack, but the lexapro I had started a couple of days before was causing aniexty. They couldn't explain the pain, but gave me ativan and sent me home. I didn't know where to turn for the foot pain so I went to ortho, by some stoke of luck he has PN, enter gabapentin.
I just quit the lexapro, turned out to be a god send, my daughter got suddenly ill and I couldn't have made it through the two and a half months of watching her body shut down, and then recover only to be taken by septic shock. On the day we were told she had hours to live her twin and I went to the ER at U of WA. for calming meds at a nurses insistance. They gave us ambien and lunesta, that's how I found out those two drugs didn't work at all for either of us. For the next three weeks Amber spent her days at Childrens with Joey for his quarterly cancer assessment while I stayed at my daughters bedside playing James Taylor for her and massaging her massively swollen legs and feet, we would return to Ronald McDonald house each night exhausted and our only sleep came from ativan. When it became clear she wasn't going to survive her twin and I made the decision to let her go.
She had disseminated HSV which resulted in fulminant hepatic failure, unheard of in a healthy person, until she got sick. My point is I couldn't have survived the way my life was then if it wasn't for lexapro and ativan, my rock was nonexistance and I still haven't gotten it back.
I could write a book on my life, I still don't believe I lived it, it still feels like it happened to someone else. I think stress whether it be from illness or life events changes you and I believe if it weren't for the meds I take I couldn't function. The irony is I used to turn my nose up at people that used meds for any reason, now I know the reasons are endless, and I believe if you are in pain be it mental or physical you certainly won't get a "rush" from it, only relief.
I wish for you eight hours of uninterrupted sleep no matter how it is accomplished, you deserve it!!!!!