I haven't weighed in on this subject until now because it hits so close to home.

I have been guilty of doing what your family member does and wonder if some of it is basic instinct? Survival. I hate like damn to think it's sheer selfishness or ignornce.

I know that with my family, they try to 'forget'. That is until one happens to call me, or worse - see me in a flare-up. As you said in another thread Tam, this isn't like cancer with a beginning, middle and end of treatment (or life). This is a marathon of surprise pain that seems to go on and on. My folks don't want to accept that. So I accommodate them by trying to keep in my room, not talk about it or let on to any of the children what's happening.

My poor Mom though - sees me every day and I KNOW she's got to be sick of seeing me in pain 80% of the time. So she ignores it. Example:

Yesterday I was in a 9+ flare. In bed all day and medicated. Late in the afternoon Mom asks me what I want for dinner. (I do nearly all the cooking). So I suggested something I could easily cook, but she decided she wanted all this stuff that required pots and pans, etc. so I reminded her that I didn't feel up to doing 'all that'. Her response was 'oh well I was going to cook'. MMM-hmm. Yeah. I had to teach her how to make a grilled cheese yesterday afternoon. This is the woman who taught ME how to make grilled cheese. I did NOT feel up to giving her a second cooking lesson, then watching everything cook because she forgets that she's cooking.... AAARRRGGHHH! So I made 2 bubba-burgers (feeling miserable mind you).

At least she's good about doing the dishes.

My siblings are more sensitive to my pains... but trying to get them to come and HELP ME is like an interruption to their lives. A pain in their *****. I know they have kids or teach yoga or have jobs, etc... hey - I used to be a multi-tasker too. I guess all I'm saying is I wish I was a little higher up on their priority lists.


I guess we can't have it all, eh?