Just a joke, no offense meant to anyone.

THINGS THAT HALLMARK CARDS DON'T SAY


My tire was
thumping.
I thought it was flat.
When I looked at the tire...
I noticed your cat.
Sorry!


Heard your wife left you, how upset you must be.
But don't fret about it.. She moved in with me.


Looking back over the years that we've been together,
I can't help but wonder...
'What the hell was I thinking?'


Congratulations
on your wedding day!
Too bad no one
likes your husband.


I've always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love
After having met you .. I've changed my mind.


I must admit, you brought Religion into my life.
I never believed in Hell until I met you.


Congratulations on your promotion
Before you go...
Would you like to take th is knife out of my back?
You'll probably need it again.


Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!
(Available only in Tennessee , Kentucky & West Virginia)


When we were together,
you always said you'd die for me.
Now that we've broken up,
I think it's time you kept your promise.


We have been friends for a very long time .
let's say we stop?


I'm so miserable without you,
it's almost like you're here.


Congratulations on your new bundle of joy.
Did you ever find out who the father was?