hi catluver,

I cannot ever remember my father's death anniversary neither but always remember his birthday. I think what you are doing is probably "self-defense" or as some would say, a defense mechanism. But then again, I could be waaaay off like I always am.

I cannot add more to what the fine people have said here. I think you'll find a lot of support here. Even at times when you don't want to talk, I think just reading here will/might help you find some comfort. And sometimes, if you just need to vent without any replies, I think people will respect your wish and just let you vent.

anyways, welcome.