Hello to Catluver (and everyone else),

I am new to this forum as well. I think (like Catluver) that I have found a new home among friends here.

I stopped in to read the post just to see if I fit in with anyone. I, too, have that problem with my pain, both physical and emotional. Their responses to you have been so heartwarming to me just reading them.

YOu must be an amazing person! I feel it a priviledge to become aquainted with you here. I admire your strength.

I had my low back all fused together in 2000 and was at the point of being wheelchair bound myself. While I am not 100 %, it certainly beats where I was before surgery. At least now, I have my pain under reasonable conrtol with meds. Before, nothing helped at all. I still have those days that I need to stay down but that is still an improvement. I hope and will be praying that your surgery gives you the much needed relief.

You know, I realize everyone handles their grief differntly and you have had an over abundance of loss and no one should feel like you are not intitled to be sad and/or cry. I lost my sister, only 54 years old, 2/20/07. It was a massive heart attack and to this day I still try to figure out what else could have happened. What did I miss when talking to her earlier in the day, etc., etc. So happens, my granddaughter's birthday is the same day my sister passed away. We do not live in the same state but were very close. I do not know when the pain is supposed to stop. Sometimes, I think I am the only one that is hanging on to this like I am and others are able to let it go. But, I see that is not the case. Of course, for you, there was and is so much loss.

I want to thank you for sharing your self with us, especially me. I know its not always easy. After trying the support group and feeling like you did, it had to be more difficult to reach out again for fear of the same thing happening again. I know that is how I would react. But then, I am very bashful when it comes to the outside world. You would not guess that from my post but its true. The computer has been a blessing to me to be in touch with others.

May I suggest a book? No, I am not selling anything! I just came across this lady on a Christian talk radio program one day and I was really in a low place. It was as if she was talking specifically about and to me. I know it was the Lord working because I have wrestled with the issue of maybe my family would be better without me. I have had the back surgery, then neck and then diagnosed with MS. So it can be a big expense, etc for them. I was trying to tend to my Dad in a nursing home as well as I could too, and really did not feel like I was much use to anyone. This book, along with a wonderful Christian councelor has helped me. I realize it is different for all of us but really wanted to mention this book. Its called "Meet me at the well" and it is written by Virelle Kidder. She also has a daughter that battles mental illness and she has some type of chronic illness herself. So I did not feel like I was reading something by someone that really had no idea where I was at in my life. I have bought more copies of it to share with my daughter and others. I have got it at a really good price on Amazon. I buy used books there often and they appear new.

Sorry for such a long post. Please let us know how your surgery goes. And I am so glad to see so many caring people. Yall have inspired me! thank you, all of you here.