gamgam - Don't ever apologize for having a lengthy post. Sometimes mine will be short, sometimes longer but as I was told from the beginning - there are always people who will listen. And I am quickly finding out how true this is.

I am truly sorry for your loss of your sister. I understand how hard it is to speak of her face to face with someone; I am the same way. It took all the courage I had to go out in public to the "Touched by Suicide" group and left early, completely crushed. Not the same with this group, it's like we can talk to others anonymously about our changing emotions without being judged for shedding a tear or two.

Sounds like you have had your share of physical pain as well. I'm glad your back surgery was successful. At least you can get around better and are not wheelchair bound. Thank you for your concern about my surgery next week. I have been confined to a wheelchair for way too long. I laugh when I say I at least want to be able to stand up straight and walk to the bathroom. Of course I expect more from the surgery and it will be successful for me to just have relief from this nagging pain. I will keep you all posted.

Please keep me in your prayers. Thank you.