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Originally Posted by Idealist
I was raised in the mountains, and as a child I was always taught that children were there to be helpers, not to talk or interrupt adults. I can remember daydreaming a lot about how it would be when I was finally old enough to count as a person.
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Hi Idealist, this was your development time and you were stunted. Not to worry! You can continue your development as an adult. This is what I did. You can move forward once you understand what is going on with yourself now and where it came from. Once you understand it all you can make repairs.
When I was growing up I felt invisible. No one in my family talked to each other. My mom has all the symptoms of Narcissistic Personality Disorder and my dad was very shy. My mom was all about herself and she didn't pay much attention to us. Believe me, this isn't good for development! I was quite a mess but I have fixed so much and feel so healthy and alive now. I was quite the miserable child.
When you say that you didn't feel that you counted as a person as a child what this says to me is that you probably felt very insignificant and that you didn't have much value? When my mom ignored me I also got the message that I didn't have much value. Just imagine what this does to self-esteem! I was able to recover my self-esteem by making this connection: I felt I had little value because I wasn't cherished as a child. I wasn't cherished because my mother had mental health issues. This wasn't my fault and it had nothing to do with me so, therefore, this message that I got that I wasn't valuable was not true. If this message that I got wasn't true then I could stop believing it. To make sure that I did change this message I wrote down on a piece of paper "I am valuable and worthy of love". I read this to myself outloud several times a day for about a week until I finally believed it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Idealist
how many of you think that your depression is mainly caused by loneliness. It's no secret that people with chronic illnesses often find themselves alone, and many lack the confidence to believe that anyone could ever love them the way they are now.
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Some of this also is related to what I have written above (feeling that you are worthy of love). Social skills are also really important here I think. I was never taught any as a child. Once again I learned so much as an adult. I learned social skills by watching others who were good role models and by reading about the topic. I think that a person also has to feel that they can and should be themselves and freely interact with others. Self-esteem is related here and having healthy boundaries. Healthy boundaries are so important. Again, another area where I had a lot of learning to do. Healthy boundaries are where you draw the line around yourself and have rules on how others can treat you. Many of us don't learn this or that we can even tell others no or stand up for ourselves. Sometimes we are afraid to make others angry with us? This might be an approval thing which would be another area to correct?
When you speak about being lonely and how this affects you I really understand. We are social beings and we must feel connected to others and interact. Many of us don't get a good start and find ourselves in not so good of a place but we can relearn this stuff!
Getting emotionally and mentally healthy really is doable.