GOOD news...first I really enjoyed reading the posts. Big time. Barb, holy cow I think I gave you a post traumatic flashback!!!

Second, the principal suggested coffee between the asst. prin. (who was Vincent's first case manager in EC and Kindergarten and who I value greatly). I was no way going to turn down an invitiation for communication. She invited another woman who's known Vince for 6 years now in school. I was totally honest, they were totally honest. I think we can move forward now in the direction I wanted to. WHEW!

I'd love to share everything we said...it was like a 2+ hour coffee 'chat' so I can't, but, I'd say in a nut shell, we agree the touch/hug issue needs to be a process not an instant change. We agree the fact he is now unable to do things he could do THREE YEARS AGO is alarming, and unacceptable. None of us understand why he was starting to participate in class UNaided, and now spends no time in class even with an aide (due to his behavior).

I asked for and will get academic worksheets he is currently doing in the beginning of a folder, worksheets that represent what a school years worth of 'typical' progress, and all the steps/worksheets inbetween. I will continue to observe, the asst. Prin. asked if she could observe with me, I said GREAT! Might make the teacher more comfy, and she will see things I won't too. I asked and she agreed to ask the staff I observe, to observe ME working with Vince at school...part of the reason I want to observe besides seeing his behavior, is to emulate their work/teaching style at home. I can't know if I'm doing that. Not looking forward to having to take what I've dished!! Hee hee.

So so much was discussed, the definately the largest issue, was someway, somehow, Vince must submit to authority. I don't want him to get a chip on his shoulder or resentment to build, the the older and bigger he gets, the less 'cute' his noncompliance is. They ask him to put a book away, and it's "why do I have to do that". I asked Vince the other day, "Does your teacher try to be mean to you like I saw you doing her?" and his first response was "yes, she makes me do math, math, math!". Ok. Wow. I keep forgetting what it felt like, to feel like that. We agreed that no matter what, he is going to have to 'release control' and 'submit' or 'let go' of that thing I can't describe, that makes him think no one has any right, he has all the rights....I hope that makes sense. I told them I do not care if I have to sit at a table with him till 6pm after school, do homework with him all weekend...what ever it takes, he needs to get done to him what ever they do to kids at boot camp to break his errogance (but not break his spirit). And I told them I was finally ready to see him have hurt feelings, in order to grow, and feel that is something that has been impeeding him bigtime, my fear of him feeling heartache. My fear of him looking at me tearfully and thinking I don't care how he feels.

Ok, the more I ramble the less sense this will make.

All I know is this...a few weeks back, when I asked why he continually does exactly what I have just asked him not to, he said "My brain thinks F-U, I don't have to do what mom and dad wants, I'm gonna do what I want" and pretty much has done so for the last 10 years (he is 10 btw) well, it's time to love him enough to let him go and make his own mistakes, let him fly while I still have a net under him...know what I mean?

See, I've never been through the process of raising a child. But I have a sense, that it's best for him now, to begin to raise himself. Be accountable, bear consequences...now I don't mean hand him a beer and say "you decide". But, it was freakin hilarious...I got him some fries tonight, as he tried to be casual about putting some salt on them (I usually say no) I said, "Vince, you're going to be 11 next month, you're old enough to decide if, and how much salt you use". He kind of got uneasy, "you can't do that! I'll use too much and get high blood pressure!" (lol) So I said, "well, that's up to you". He put the salt down, finished his fries...that's all good and fine...the part I don't understand is why he then proceeded while washing his hands after eating, to stick his head in the sink and wash his hair too, and come out looking like a mutated santa clause from not rinsing enough out.

And for once I didn't ask.



I'm am POOPED! Pooped from all the goings on today, pooped from being his everything all the time. Time to let go a little. You guys are all wonderful, for posting and helping me sort through this. I really appreciate today's interaction with my school, and hope we move in a great direction together.

Mili