((((((Mili)))))),
"PT flashback"
"mutated Santa Claus"
Quote:
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I asked Vince the other day, "Does your teacher try to be mean to you like I saw you doing her?" and his first response was "yes, she makes me do math, math, math!". Ok. Wow. I keep forgetting what it felt like, to feel like that. We agreed that no matter what, he is going to have to 'release control' and 'submit' or 'let go' of that thing I can't describe, that makes him think no one has any right, he has all the rights....
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Oh yeah, he's testing the limits
You know, Mili, we all learn in a lot of different ways. We learn by hearing, we learn by doing, we learn by observing, we learn by being 'taught'.
Sometimes parents that have gone through 'stuff' -- whatever that stuff is, want to make the way easier for the kid. Doesn't always work. It's good for giving them practical "life examples" but they still have to learn by doing.
So he learns that the french fries taste yucky because he used too much salt.
And he learns that his head itches because he didn't rinse all the shampoo out.
But, the understanding that others have feelings too -- that's hard to teach. They usually "get it" when you compare it to what they're feeling.
Basically, Mili, I don't really think that the goal is "giving up control", I think the goal is "sharing control".
An example is say you have 10 pieces of chocolate and you give one to you and one to me and one to you and one to me <<-->> that's fair because everyone is being treated the same. But, if you give one to you and two to me and one to you and one to me and one to me <<-->> someone is NOT being treated fairly (or nicely).
When I saw the pictures of Vince -- he's getting that big masculine looking body but it doesn't match his brain yet. They need to catch up with each other. I think you understand that and others maybe don't.
I think Vince is so lucky to have you as a Mom because you really do UNDERSTAND what he's experiencing. You ARE doing a good job, you know
Hugs (and love).
Barb