I'm trying to pick my words carefully...

You do have a family. You said it yourself; you and your daughters. That's a family. Not the classic idea of family, but a family none the less.

Your cyber family is just a point and click away. We've never met face-to-face. I still care about you.

I honestly think a big, positive, first step for you would be to change your username.

nohope.
That automatically trips you at the starting gate.

Make one small change. And hang on to it. Eventually other positive changes will become evident. And there are always positive options.

I know how bad it hurts. And I know how bad it is to pull out of a nose dive like that one. The easy way out and the soft option is always there.

We can make our pain end in an instant. But what about the pain that action would cause? There are people in your life that want you to get better. To turn it around. To make peace with the ghosts and anger that haunt all us.

I'm one of those people.

I had to get mad.
I had to cry my eyes out until it hurt to breath.
And when I was too tired to grieve... I got mad.

Mad enough to fight back. Mad enough to realize that doing the same thing over and over is only going to get me the same results. I used anger to spur a growth/evolving that was long overdue.

(((nohope)))
Make a positive change.