No honey you are not without hope...it springs eternal inside us. Moose is right...you need to redefine it...make lemonade.. I know that it seems impossible when you alone are responsible for two young girls lives.
They are your "hostages to fortune" as my Dad used to say of his children.

Why not try focusing on starting up your business again....with baby steps!
What are you reading that is helping you? May I suggest Finding Your Way after the Suicide of Someone You Love?

I know you hate him but he was also the love of your life. I hear the pain...I miss seeing you post but if it's easier just to read for awhile please remember that you are in our thoughts and our prayers.

There is also a wonderful CD about losing someone to suicide..warning, it does have religious overtones at times...helpful ones! I'm giving it to my grieving neighbor in the hopes that she'll benefit from it. Here is the link to it if you are interested..http://www.musicforthesoul.org/chaos.html

No one can understand the anguish of losing someone to suicide...no one can understand that it changes us forever...no one unless they have lived it.

Hugs for the room.