I'm not having a very good time at the moment and I could do with a hug, if any one has one to spare.

My computer has been playing up once again, and I got some-one in today at $100 an hour and all he could tell me was that mine was going to cost more to fix than a new one would cost. He tells me that this one might go for another month or a week, but it might die tomorrow. It really is on it's last legs, so if I'm not around for a while, that maybe be the reason.

My DH goes into hospital in the morning for surgery, I woke up yesterday morning with the vomits then today I got the runs as well. Maybe I picked up gastro at our darling grand-son's birthday party on Sunday?

For those who know me well, you'll know that I only ever speak about my sister.....and I speak of her as the only family I have who matters to me. I actually had 2 brothers as well.....(one 4 years older, and one younger) but we have been alienated for some time.

Tonight I got a phone call to tell me that my older brother had died. My brother died 5 days ago, and I only found out today by accident. Apparently some-one saw the notice in the paper, and we (the other member's of the family) heard about it along the grapevine.

Alienated or not, he was still my brother and definitely not a nice way to find out your brother has died. How could his wife do that to the rest of his family? I can't even go to his funeral which is tomorrow, because I didn't hear in time to make any arrangements to get to the opposite end of the state, or to re-schedule DH's operation tomorrow for another date.

Maybe if his wife had told us that death was near as she knew it was, we might have been able to mend the rift, but it's too late now. So many things left unsaid that are all too late to say now. How does one cope with the guilt of this?