Anne, first I want to say I am so sorry about your brother and sorry his wife didn't contact you. I feel Jim's brother will be the same and we wont know until it's over. It's not your fault. The guilt is probably much of what I felt when my father died. I mourned for what could have been. It's sad for everyone involved. I am sure he is looking down on you and knows how much you did care and love him even though your were separated. Sometimes I get mad at my dad and I tell him even though he's gone. Talk to him, write it out, do what you need to do to get passed the hurt.

Tell hubby we wish him well during his surgery. Take care of you Anne. In the end, I am sure this is what your brother would want. I know it hurts to miss his funeral but he's not there anymore Anne, his soul has moved on. Say what you need to say now as if you were there. I too will pray you find peace in all this.