Hang in there. It's probably not nearly that bad.

For me one of my surest symptoms is pessimism. Initially when I got this thing the pessimism was just that and nothing more. It would come and go with the pain and other symptoms in a flash. I'd even experience the pessimism first and know the pain was hard on its heals. Now days the pain almost always comes first and the pessimism is mixed with depression and anxiety and often paranoia. But it's still the same thing; a mere symptom. I even worry about getting well when I hurt for fear I'll lose my income which is pretty tough for an older man in poor health. But then I remember that it's not my good health that's the problem and if it were then I wouldn't fear not being able to work. If the symptoms weren't there then neither would the anxiety, pain, and fatigue etc.

I am very lucky that my support mostly hasn't left me. Indeed, for a time I even pushed them away a little to save them the pain if I killed myself but this wasn't fair to them or me. They would be entitled to any pain they experienced. It has to be sufficient that they know.

The point is simply this; if you were better your perspective would probably change. Whatever is driving your family and friends away might change and if it doesn't you can make new friends and start your own family. I suspect your pessimism is a symptom rather than a result of your disease. Cure the disease and it will right itself in either case.

Best of luck.