Hi

I feel I belong on this board, amongst many others, because I tried to suicide when I was 15 and the second time when I was 46.

Today I got plenty on my plate. Too much. I'm overwhelmed. I've been depressed because of it. For a long time. Not doing anything about anything. Then the thought entered my mind that I am only hopelessly staring at the Shoulds in my life, not even realizing maybe there are also Wants and Likes. So I got me a paper notebook that I write down in where and how I would like to live in 10 years time (today I am 50) and what I would like to do just once before I die. That way I will not need to wait until a TV-show-host gets a bright idea and picks me as well.

Conclusion: I downloaded a programme that is free, it is called Project Engine, which is for sale but also got a free type thing, and break my actions into tiny bits that I need to do for the Shoulds and Wants and Likes. So, I am only allowed to do a tiny action for Should after I done a tiny action for Want or Like (always done it the other way round). There is another programme, also free, that is called the Tree of Life, where you get to fill in what you do today and what you should do to have a fulfilling life. But not in a way that makes you feel like a teach is hitting you accross the fingers for writing left-handed. It seems really, really good to me, but I'm not ready for it. I am in the Project-Engine state, because I am autistic and the social bit in the Tree of Life is too demanding for me.

Just a tip-off for anyone who is interested.