I have dealt with suicidal tendencies since around the ripe old age of 10.

I have lived in counceling for over 10 years. Luckily, I had a Dr. to step forward and practically take over making decisions for me. Even though I was married Bill was just too sick to help me because of what he was dealing with. I lost him 18 months ago the 21st. I will say when you are dealing with depression as bad as you, you need to be in a good councelor at least 2 times a week for quite some time.

My problem is I pull myself up but I don't stay there. Right now I have several issues going on that has practically wiped me out again. I'm trying to pull myself back up.

As far as the VNS there is a board called the Vegal Nerve Stimulator board and you can go there and everyone will help you make a decision on getting it implanted. Mine is off right now due to my other medical problems. It does have it's pros and cons but I do believe that it helps some people a lot. We do try to turn mine on every once in awhile but then I start having some problems from it. I feel like I shouldn't have had it put in due to too many other medical issues that it can mess with but as I said, I see a lot of people on that forum that does like it.

As far as insurance, if you have any, nowadays they seem to be very willing to pay to have it implanted. Mine got approved with in a month. My Dr. wrote a good letter to them that got it done. He was even more worried about me after Bill passed away so we made the decision together.

I will say what you are dealing with is basically what I am living with. I do have times when I am suicidal today but I seem to be able to come out of it quicker then before. You can't give up. There is light at the end of the tunnel. I know because in a lot of ways, I have found it.

If you want to PM me, I will tell you more or I will listen to what you want to tell me about your story and give you more info on the VNS. I will gladly help you in any way I can.

Ada