Good to read your thoughts.

My psychologist told me just a few days ago to think with my heart about wether to try and keep working. It is so hard to get your head around though. As for the first 2 -4 years I was told there was nothing wrong with me - sure there isn't apart from when I get tired. I can do ok when not tired but I know I don't think as fast and if something goes wrong it is hard to stay calm. At these times I probably can do better than the average person BUT when the fog comes in and I am fighting my way through it I would not like relying on myself too well, plus when I am like that I get dizzy and can literally fall over. I am at the stage that all I can do is fall into bed and shut my eyes.

I have had some idiot testing about vocations (by the insurer of course). They came up with as my no 1 a property developer - haha - imagine the hours and stress plus the funding! another was an accounts clerk - possible retraining and open plan - great for noise. I am not being negative about these just for the sake of it.

I went shopping with my sister in law a short time ago and had a fun time - she is about 55 and can be a bit of a granny and I had fun telling her what to try on etc and was offered a job in a little outlet store - I thought that they were joking, but sister in law said that they were serious - maybe I cover lunch hours in selected boutique style stores?

To stop working and receive insurance I would have to prove that I am incapable of working. At the moment I receive 80% of previous salary as I am certified incapable. As soon as I am certified able of working some hours per day I will have to or I will not receive any insurance at all. I am so used to fending for myself - i just don't know. Anyway I sent you a personal message with my home email address if you would like to use it to contact me.

The psychologist also told me that the high achievers who expect so much of themselves have the most difficulty coping with these injuries - lovely to hear but doesn't help. It is hard to change your brain after all these years of the ingrained habit.

Back to the working - giving up our current occupations. I do know that in my heart it would be better for me to give it up. I have felt better for the past 2-3 months not working - even though I have had these annoying bugs etc. Another thing is that I don't feel that I can bare to walk in the door of my office - my secretary has asked how I would like to celebrate my 10 year anniversary and I haven't answered her - the old me would have jumped at the chance of a celebration lunch or something. At the moment I am happy going for my walks and actually having quiet me time as I think I need to find some kind of peace in myself before going forward.

What do you think of all my rambling?

Lynlee