Hi,
This is a strange question, but I hope someone can shed some insight for me. More and more lately, I have been feeling that there are 2 me's. The depressed, mentally ill me, and then this "shell" of me of sorts that I have to display to my family. Does anyone feel this way? None of them really understand mental illness, and I understand that more now that I told my mom that my old roommate is in the state mental hospital outside of Ann Arbor. She asked me "WHY?" with a sarcastic tone. Granted, some of my extended family understand, but it seems my immediate family does not....mom, sister, and dad. I know I am more than mental illness, but I would at least like them to acknowledge that I have been affected by it. I mean, my mom refuses to learn what depression and borderline personality disorder does to me. It is definetly a big part of my life, and most of my friends have some form of severe mental illness. I feel that I can just identify better with people who have "been there," if you will. My sister, in an email, told me that she'd like to see me "get my life together." Just because she is not mentally ill she thinks all I need to do is "get off my medicine and you'll be fine." Meds are what is keeping me stable....but no one sees that. My mom feels that if I am going through a bout of depression as I am now, I can just basically do what I need to do to get through school (that is the most important thing to her and my sister) It is important, but when I don't feel good, it is the last thing I want to do. When I was really bad last week, she called me lazy and said I just needed to "get moving and get done what I have to do." No sensitivity to the fact I am depressed whatsoever. As a result of all of this, I feel that there is another shell of myself I have to portray to my family because I might be considered weak if I display who I really am, which includes mental illness. I plan to bring this up with Laura and my therapist, but I wanted your input too. I am really struggling with this....Thanks for listening and offering advice if you've been there or are there now.