Hi,

I am the sole care provider for my husband Lynn who also suffers with Alzheimer's. My heart goes out to your family. My husband has kids from a previous marriage. I have been with Lynn for 23 years, so we are all very close. Some are not able to be here as well. The best thing they have been able to do for me and Lynn is to keep in contact. I know that seems so simple....but it IS major.

I have a sister out of state and I know when things happen here at home, she gets so frustrated about being so far away and not being able to help. I imagine this is very hard for you. I think it is commendable that you are trying to help even if you can't be there in person.

As far as your mom’s medical care, as her child you do have a say in it. You can talk with your sister….maybe you could call her doctor and express your concerns. Your mom should also being seeing a neurologist…..perhaps that would be a way to get her different care. Ask her doctor for a referral, explain you are only looking out for your mom’s best interest and want her given every opportunity for care that is available to her. If he is unwilling, pay out of pocket and have her seen.

My husband goes to the VA and though I am grateful for them…I felt he was diagnosed and that was it.
I paid out of pocket for him to see my neurologist, who ran scan etc to rule out other things, and work on a medication regime. Through him, I was lead to places that could help in my support, so I could better care for Lynn.

For your sister, the best thing one can do for her is to offer her respite. It is OVERWHELMING at times being the only care giver. Offer to visit so she can take a break. Maybe contact elder care, health and humane services in her area to see what help they offer for your mom and your family.

I am not sure how close you are to your mom's boyfriend, or of his own health issues.....but I can tell you watching one you love deeply change into a virtual stranger is indeed very difficult. There is help with the mood swings, the anger, even violence.

I am not sure where your mother is in these stages, but they are all "normal" with AD. It sounds like he is overwhelmed. My husband said and did violent things that he NEVER would have done before AD, it changes them in so many ways

He also has sundowner's, I am not sure if your mom has that as well?
Your mom's boyfriend could use some help as well, in dealing with these changes. There is help for him in support, and understanding none of these changes are your mother's fault. It takes a great deal of love and understanding, I hope he is up to the task for your mom's sake.

Below are some sites that have helped me. They also have areas of help on helping your parents when you are out of state....

http://www.alz.org/index.asp
http://www.alzheimersupport.com/
http://www.webmd.com/alzheimers/guid...port-resources

Please also visit here, for a moving video...Alzheimer's prayer.....
http://www.inspiringthots.net/movie/...mer-prayer.php

Wishing you the best, Nikki